My Idiot Boss

So my boss, "pork chop"...is a fat, piece of shit, vile collection of pimple squeezings, sprinkled with festering baboon asses and served on a preposterous assortment of leaky mutilated lizard bums...hot. Evidently I have a slight problem with my boss being born a human instead of a cockroach...but I'm still hopeful that he will at one point be reincarnated and will end up as a pile of unwanted aborted maggots. Basically, he's an idiot who's mad at everyone for having better all around vision as opposed to him only being able to see whatever's growing on his nose and not much else. Or maybe he's just mad that because of his gut, he hasn't been able to see his dick since 1983 and has since had to sit down to take a piss...who the fuck knows?

So yesterday, pork chop decides to monitor the amount of time that I take when I'm going on break, and apparently, I come back three minutes late from my alloted time. I sit down, chill for a bit and go back to this mundane routine of a job, only to get an email from this uncouth basket of hot garbage telling me I'm three minutes late from my break. Three minutes. THREE MINUTES!!! THREE MINUTES???? Really? so that half hour I came in early to help out today means nothing...and you're gonna talk to me about three minutes? Where's the fire? Where's the fucking fire...seriously, coz for my own sanity and for the perpetuation of sanity and peace at work today, you need to show me where the fire is...or I will focus all my mental energies to the point where I develop psychokinesis and see if I can set you the fuck on fire you inconsiderate supply of incessant swine farts. Seriously, this guy has pissed me off so much, I want to take a nice long shit. Like what kind of petty shit is that? Then he sends an email to HR telling them I was three minutes late from my break. I don't know whether to laugh at him or strap a metal rod to his head and lock him outside during a thunder storm.

But I'm the dummy, for some reason, I chose to help out at the work place and forgo one of my breaks to keep the place running smoothly. Never again. Fuck all that going the extra mile shit...I'm shoving my foot up the "above and beyond" notion's ass. Here comes doing the bare minimum to get along at work mentality. I'm telling you...I'll be great at it.

Sorry to vent people...I just had to put it down. I feel much better now. Where are we going for drinks tonight?